Negativity

Why I write all these posts? A main reason is for myself. I write because I know that I was in a state like this sometime back and when I visit them again. I could recall those moments exactly from the day and date. It helps me analyze myself. It acts as my own self motivating factor and a self note type of thing. It helps me to keep track of myself and where I am heading. In Software terminology this is called Project Management or project planning. This is my personal planning and it surely helps me. My professor says writing down things makes you think in a more clear and concrete way. It poses new questions in mind. So this is something good.

The world around us is full of negative people. Everybody has his/her own set of problems. Everybody is unhappy deep down there in ones heart. Everybody has some ambition of some sort and everybody is craving to be someone. It is very easy to get demotivated by hoards of people surrounding, start thinking negatively and self doubting your own thoughts. It works like a group based protocols. When large number of people start saying you are bad and useless, you start believing in that somewhere. Somethings are needed to get out of that mold. Something are needed to build inner motivation and inner strength. To stand tall in this world, to challenge unusual behavior. To ask questions and confirm in your mind that you are correct and the other person is wrong. I many times feel how people claim so many things and talk so confidently and try to demotivate you. And I sometimes do get demotivated and feel tremendously low. But somewhere loneliness teaches you a lot of thinking and analysis and then you know that you are correct, its just that you could not outsmart the other guy in his talks. Debating is a great art, which very few possess.

It takes immense strength to swim against tide, to think on your own about what is correct and what is wrong, to keep on doing the correct things. To bring changes in ones thinking. Writing helps me shed away that negativity. People do laugh. People do make fun. I feel bad about them since it shows their immaturity of level of understanding. A stay in US exposes you to many hard hit questions and exposes you to lot of things. And if you think, then you tend to improve. Now days, I feel people back in India behave very immaturely many times. I do not understand how to explain some things to some fools who think they know everything and who think highly of themselves. Loneliness is good. Because it atleast makes you shielded from all these fools, since most of the world is full of fools and nonsense people. So being lonely is good many times. Getting complacent about one self is bad. Talking too much philosophy and no action is worst. Your value is zero if you can not face the real problems in real world. Loneliness is not the answer. Getting away from people is not the answer. Loneliness just helps analysis and gives time.

I get frustrated a lot sometimes just because here I have to take care of damn every single thing. Right from Studies, to household things, family responsibilities. Frustration builds manifold sometimes and I end up spending useless days wasting a lot of time. Motivation dies. Lot of negative energy builds up. It feels like head would blow up and last thing I would want is to stay in this state. I speak with same age friends, I understand that they have same problems somewhere, I understand that its not only me who has problems but the entire world is full of problems, people face the same questions, they fight the same things as I do. It brings a level of comfort to me. I understand that its not only me. Its psychological, mind always wants to have similar state people with oneself to soothe itself. May be that is what is called the comfort zone. I speak with good friends of mine who are motivated, who are doing things differently, take guidance from them, seek their help. It shows a bigger picture. Frustration comes when there are so many things to do at one time and nothing is progressing. I feel like running away. But now I realize once you set deadlines, try finishing up things, there comes some level of confidence that I managed to complete that and it brings lot of motivation. And slowly things change. Once you realize that the frustration is coming because of all these things, things change. I get calm. That is what I call watching your mind as a third person. Separating yourself from your mind. Letting it calm down. Patting him soothingly to stay calm and to assure him that things would be fine soon. It works great. Why I am writing down it because later someday I would read this and feel happy that I have gone through so many different things and experiences.

So many times now I feel what did I achieve in 2 years of my stay in UCSC. I many times feel I did nothing when I compare myself with other people who are much ahead in life. Then I compare myself with myself and I feel I achieved so much. I feel great and satisfying. I feel good that UCSC happened. I now believe that present makes me more happy. Future makes me tense and past makes me unhappy. So I try staying in present. But sometimes people make it very difficult by asking questions about future plans and lot of things. I feel I do not have any plans. I have some short term plans. People with all sort of questions make me crazy. Note to myself. Do not compare yourself with people. Strictly avoid comparisons of any sort. They will be there but keep on working on your own stuff and good things will happen. I believe in God, as an abstract concept, not as a statue in some temple. I never go to any temple. But I believe somewhere there he stays and watches my good things and guides me.


In India people tend to have lot of misconception about lot of things. People have lot of prejudgments. I am writing this because I sometimes tend to forget who I am and what I have achieved and get lost in people's opinions. I am going to re-read this post again and again myself to keep on reminding myself about things not to do and to stay away from and what I have learned here. Asking questions is considered foolish in India. One most important thing I learned here is do not hesitate to ask even a damn dumb questions. Let people have any bad opinion about your intelligence or whatever. Do not give a damn to what people say or think of you. Make it an integral habit and you will understand you are at ease and can do things confidently. Ignoring people and having do not care attitude is not the same. These people suck because they behave irresponsibly without any thought-fullness, lot of achievements could be made by just selfish attitude and dont care attitude. Lot of things could be achieved by staying insensitive to what goes around and staying in ones own world. Americans mostly succeed because of this solo attitude. And the world is full of such people. So stay confident. India is a land where role models are missing totally and people hold any successful person in high esteem. You are either successful or a failure. What they see is how much successful he is. The effort that went in that is never seen. People are crazy for star status. Its a land of people who need good heroes, but all we are getting is Stars, who get so much complacent of their success that they forget the basics. The basics are totally missing and India is going to dogs.


After an age one starts understanding many things. Why some things happen the way they happen. Why somethings can not happen the way they should happen. May be this is what is called maturity and it helps many times to wash out that negativity. I guess I am getting in that stage of maturity like many of my same age friends. This is a nice transition.