Leaving Santa Cruz

I just left Santa Cruz and moved to Silicon Valley (30 miles away) to stay with some juniors from Pune whom I knew already since undergraduate days. Santa Cruz had been my home for last 2 years, where in my solitude I suffered and survived for a great deal of time. I had totally forgotten how nice it could be to be amongst people who speak your own language, who understand your own culture and who appreciate and understand what you talk.

I took a stroll in the city bus which used to take me to my school. I recalled all fond and most bitter memories of loneliness, the struggle and the feeling of helplessness that it always gave to me, when nobody was around. I recalled the great joys and mix of culture I witnessed while being with the only handful of Indians (Bengali's, South Indians, North Indians)present in my school during festivals, studies and how I tried keeping my spirits up and studied. I made some good friends amongst them. Learned a lot from their culture and how different it is from a Maharashtrian culture. I recalled the fond memories of going on beach, downtown to take a stroll in the evening and trying to keep my mood up when there was nobody to even talk to. I survived a patch of complete loneliness for more than 2 years. Santa Cruz as a place is great to stay, surreal and with best weather. But what is the use of a beautiful place if it is not with the people who know you or with people with whom you could not share things or talk to. I loved the town but somehow hated from bottom of my heart the loneliness. I appreciate being with people that I am right now, who know me, who understand me to some extent and who speak my language. Its a great feeling. Just a small talk and their presence takes away lot of depression. I recalled how hard I fought to just stay motivated out of depression of loneliness. The toughest time of my life was spent in here and I survived it. huh. This town will always be remembered for the things it taught to me to survive in a personal life. I troubled some close friends out of my loneliness so much that today I feel ashamed of it. But those were the times. Try staying in a place with tension of studies, cooking, finance, nobody to talk to and try stay motivated. Many times I recall I just used to forget who I am, why I am here for, what is my aim and do lot of nonsense because I many times used to be out of my mind. It was a very very tough period. I appreciate my people even more now.

I today understand how easy it is for most of the Indians who come to US for MS in bulk and stay in bulk together. I understand I missed this basic support system in its first place but it taught me the rules of survival. I missed lot of things which all these other enjoy and who really do not feel the taste of real US since they never really go out of their comfort zone of staying surrounded by their own people. They stay in groups, enjoy in groups. Believe me, having stayed in Santa Cruz, done that, its tough. Its very tough and a lot depressing to do all things alone. Just some 1 month ago a fellow PhD student got so much depressed that he left for India in its 4th year and dropped his PhD. There are lots of stories associated with Santa Cruz.

Bye bye Santa Cruz. You will be always very special with all the snaps and natural beauty and my 2 years at UC Santa Cruz. The place where I am at present, which is also called Silicon Valley is a very deserted place in terms of natural beauty, but it has lots of people. Well, now I understand the importance of lot of things. Somethings are better learn by the core experience of it and I think I am having enough of experiences. 5th to 10th in a hostel, 11th 12th in hostel, Engineering with room mates, Job with brother, Now MS at Santa Cruz. Lot of changes in life and continuous struggle. Sometimes I lose all the energy which is needed to stay motivated just by thinking about all this. Its a lot of pain.

Santa Cruz you will be missed very much dearly for all the things that you have given to me during this stay. Your memories will be cherished with the photographs for the lifetime.

bye bye .....Miss you.
Mrunal